The thing that sucks about layoffs, aside from the actual layoffs...

Like many companies, my employer is about to announce huge cutbacks and layoffs. It's a scary time for all of us and puts everyone on edge. We'll know the details by the end of March, but for now, we must wait for an excruciating few weeks to hear the news.

As we anxiously wait to learn whether we'll have jobs in a month, we pass the time by speculating about the departments that will be cut. Essentially, we spend our days convincing ourselves of why our jobs should be saved, and why others could be cut. Our office has become the Canadian real-life version of Survivor. But this version isn't produced by CBS. It's the CBC version, sponsored by Air Canada and hosted by the cargo-pant wearing Strombo (do they make low-rise skinny cargoes?).

At a time when we need each other most and could do with the support of our colleagues, we instead eye each other with suspicion and superiority. The company could do without you. But me? Surely it would go to the dogs without me and my contributions.

I work in a union environment, so this would never happen, but I almost wish we could solve the company's economic woes in a Survivor-like way. Each person would get one vote and would pick one person they think should be laid off. Think of how therapeutic that would be. That person in my unit who shows up late, leaves two hours early and takes an hour-long lunch everyday would finally get her due. And that guy upstairs that is famously ornery, famously rude and the reason the rest of us had to endure 'respect in the workplace' workshops - he'd bite the dust in a second, and everyone around him would breathe a sigh of relief. Ideally, this would get rid of all the bastards that we've all had to put up with because the union won't let them be fired. This would be our chance. I'm a big believer in treating people with respect, no matter who you are. This would be the end of all the divas and pricks who've made our lives miserable. Good riddance. And those managers who treated themselves to a year-end bonus while the rest of us didn't enjoy so much as a Christmas cracker? Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. You are akin to the U.S. bank execs who still took bonuses while the public bailed them out. See ya.

But alas, this dream will never come true. Mostly because our union would never allow it. But also because half the people in our top-heavy company are managers who would vote us out before them. Sniff! It's sad, and true.

The fact is, the ballots are out of our hands and all we can do is hope for the best. So chin up, and let's try to get through this together. And when our fates our decided, we can raise a glass to our newly unemployed colleagues, and raise another glass of wine to those who cast the votes.