My true calling...

There have been few moments in my life when I have felt truly inspired, when I felt as though my life had real meaning. I am going through a period of inspiration right now my friends, and I owe it all to the As it Happens Complaints Choir. Unfortunately, the complaints are reserved for AIH listeners, and as a member of the choir I can't contribute. But alas, the Knitted Bikini has saved the day and I can spew my complaints o' plenty. Feel free to send a few of your own.

Muted, the first song of the Lori-Ellen Non-Vocal Complaints Choir

Britney Spears has shaved her head an is losing her mind.
I can't believe he's famous enough that we all know the name Kevin Federline.
My skin is dry and my cats are static-y.
Why don't they make single-people loaves of bread - mine always goes stale or moldy.
George Bush is President and he pronounces it nook-u-ler.
Why do women dye their hair in colours not found in nature?
And why is dealing with Bell such a nightmare?
And why is dealing with Bell such a nightmare?

Real estate costs too much for those who want to buy.
Public radio is so underfunded it makes me want to cry.
All my neighbours do is yell and fight and make a lot of noise.
Quiet time to myself is one of my former joys.
The people in decision-making roles at work can't make any decisions.
Why, with 71 channels, is there still nothing on television.
And the snooze button on my alarm clock is only five minutes.
And the snooze button on my alarm clock is only five minutes.

Feminine hygene products cost too much - it really is unfair.
Opening plastic toy packaging makes me want to swear.
I hate wearing socks and they keep slouching down.
Just how many t-shirts does Anderson Cooper Own?
Loud music and noises make me feel sick.
It's February and my middle is feeling much too thick.
And why don't employers offer real jobs anymore - I'm still on contract.
And why don't employers offer real jobs anymore - 6 years and I'm still on contract.